Mom Always Liked You Best

BY ANN DAPICE

Back in the day we laughed when Tommy Smothers played the hilarious role with one-liners to his more serious appearing brother Dick. They played their sibling parts to the enjoyment of many as they sometimes played the instruments, Tommy the guitar and Dick, the bass. But was it play?

Later the brothers said that they argued so much that they required counseling. It turned out that they didn’t argue except when discussing the show.

They would be fired by CBS, not for their hilarious playing of rivalry but for content not acceptable to the “parents” of the show – the network. Talk of the Vietnam war and sexual content were not allowed. The network “liked” other shows better and silenced the brothers and their writers.

Controversy was not acceptable even as ratings grew. Much like silencing people when some stories are not to be shared during traditional family gatherings, the awkward subjects will be changed quickly.

And we laughed as we knew the sometime reality of sibling rivalry – if not in our families, then that of others who tell of bad treatment by a brother or sister.

Some stories are tragic and should not be ignored – if not shared at the meal. Old family incidents surface and we are warned again every season to leave politics and past unpleasantness behind when we come to special occasions. We know the uncle who likes to pick fights, justified or not, especially when there is no better audience than the dining room table for attention.

It was funny when Tom and Dick played the words on stage those decades ago. They learned to stop their actual fighting offstage and get expert help with family counseling.

Jane Isay writes, Mom Still Likes You Best: The Unfinished Business Between Siblings. It is an old story told in the book of Genesis. The twins Esau and Jacob were victims of preference by their parents. Esau was loved most by his father Isaac and Jacob was loved most by his mother Rebecca.

It continues that the two struggled in utero before birth. The story says that God told Rebecca that the twins were two nations in her womb. Rebecca wanted Jacob to have the birthright. His brother Esau was a hunter and hairy and their father was nearly blind, so Rebecca arranged to have Jacob covered with fur so his father would think it was Esau who was being blessed when Jacob went to receive his brother’s birthright. So, in the story Esau could well have said that Mom always liked Jacob best.

Once again, we will be advised this year not to take the numerous political and geographical battles to holiday tables. We are at a time when it doesn’t matter who liked who the most, who played tricks on who, who started it – all the childish excuses from people in power who have never grown up, who only play gotcha games in the rooms where they rule or play at work.

What matters is that the killing stops now, the people are fed, the children are saved, the hostages are freed, the wounds are bound, the rubble is cleared, justice is done, and the real adults in the world finally take over. 

Ann Dapice [Lenape/Cherokee] received a PhD from the University of Pennsylvania. She has taught and/or served as administrator at a number of universities including the University of Pennsylvania, Widener University, Penn State University, and Goddard College, teaching social sciences, philosophy and Native American Studies. She served as a Fellow at Coolidge Research Colloquium and Princeton in Asia. She is Director of Education and Research for T.K. Wolf, Inc., a 501(c)(3) American Indian organization. She consults with the University of Pennsylvania on Native American Programs. Her cross-cultural and interdisciplinary research has been reported in professional journals, books, and academic presentations regionally, nationally and internationally. Dapice’s essays appear regularly in The Oklahoma Observer print edition.